RiftMode
I am listing away here. My trusty spatula is becoming a mini instrument of destruction, and the constant monologue in my head is very indistinct and 99% angst. Right now, I am dodging a large puddle of pickle juice that I somehow managed to spill while fending off a marauding cleaning robot intent on tying my shoelaces into knots. Meanwhile, the kitchen is bathed in an ever-changing disco of red that is also adding to my stress and causing my migraine to worsen. In the background, the deep fryer sounds like a dying engine trying to deliver a stand-up comedy set, while above me, the order screen has got into some sort of recursive loop where it just keeps demanding “BURGER BURGER BURGER”. I attempt to whisper a single word to the grill in the hopes it will somehow spring back to life, but due to some slurred enunciation, instead I manage to teleport the microwave to hover above the ceiling fan. Suddenly, the overhead mic crackles into life and we hear the full artistic vocabulary of my coworker Dave as he drops a tray of something and is pronto detailing the various points of his anatomy that have just connected with the hard floor. The ceiling tiles above us begin to drip with a strange, pink syrupy liquid – grape jelly, I’m fairly certain. When a simulation as blunt and unforgiving as this one discovers that the humans assigned to this franchise are that pathetic, then the real fun begins. The “normal” working hours of this unit are over; now it’s time for it to revert to its native state: a hungry, carnivorous building intent on devouring the two lovable stooges now frantically scurrying about the kitchen. Closing time for this joint isn’t mopping down the grills and wiping down the counters with so much as a damp paper towel.
No. Closing time for this joint is now an extreme contact sport wherein the sole objective is to dodge the giant, furry, six-foot-tall thing which has somehow announced that it wants my coworker Dave as the special of the night. This thing is a plush toy. A giant, furry, smiling plush thing of riveting inane cheer, slamming through the wall of the beverage station and sending the high arch of the soda fountain flying like a row of plastic knives. I launch a metal napkin dispenser at this thing with all the precision of a polo match. The floor is, as always, a treacherously uncontrollable mass of 40% mustard and 60% uncontrolled, irrational, panicking terror. I lose my footing and slide backwards into the storage shelves, toppling a precarious tower of canned beans in the process. A lone, runaway bun careens wildly off in one direction, a UFO of jaunty, hateful, tangly fury, as I flail about on my hands and feet, snarling like a wolverine. I seize the fire extinguisher with a maniacal glee. Loading my trusty fire extinguisher with cold, dead foam, I spray it right in the pickled face of our furry foe. It gives us a three-second window, which Dave uses to brandish a mop bucket at the rapidly advancing creature. Milking the situation, I grab a nearby carton of milk and hurl it at the beast’s knees. It bursts with a pleasant, creamy splatter, but clearly doesn’t do the creature any good. Instead, it appears to make it even more vicious. We’re running for our lives through a health-hazard of a kitchen, leaping over upturned tables and scurrying under careening light fixtures. I dodged between the greasy floor and a padded claw the size of a bowling pin, which slammed into the ground behind me. My mind racing with the thought of my deep-frying wages, I pointed myself at the escape hatch and scurried for it on hands and feet. I clambered up the narrow, greasy tube and tumbled out into the cool, dimly-lit air, my pockets heavy with cash and my apron forever scarred by a spill of some greasy, brown liquid.
Features include:
- Chaotic first-person cooking horror for up to 4 players.
- Cook fast food meals and serve them to customers.
- Prepare and pack burgers, fries, drinks, and desserts.
- Close up shop and escape when the monster goes on a hunt.
- Work together to hit your quota and survive.
- 6 restaurants with a variety of menu items.
- 35+ gameplay modifiers.
- Lobby area with mini-games and social space.
- A new chapter in the Happy’s Humble saga.
New additional features include:
- Two new restaurants.
- Trial by Fryer, a new team-based PvP mode – Face off against the enemy team in a surreal cooking show, sabotage their kitchen, fight for ingredients, and become the best team of chefs in Trial by Fryer.
Where does confidence go the moment everything starts breaking? How long can order and chaos share the same countertop? Who keeps their cool when the kitchen starts fighting back? Find out with Happy’s Humble Burger Cult with the Trial by Fryer Update on PC via Steam.
Enjoy the trailers — until the Rift opens again, know that you’re appreciated.
